Remember earlier this month when a bunch of heavily armed domestic terrorists seized control of government property in Oregon, asked for snacks, and then refused to budge until the Federal government released their yokel friends from their jail cells? Believe it or not, that whole ordeal is somehow still going on, all these weeks later, because white privilege.

We come up with a lot of funny names for Ammon Bundy’s so-called “militia” — Y’all Qaeda, Vanilla ISIS, Yeehawdists, Yokel Haram — but those names, while humorous, only brush against the harsh reality of who these people really are: heavily armed domestic terrorists, using intimidation and threats of violence to force the government into surrendering to their will.

We’re hearing a lot of suggestions for how authorities should end the standoff, while many others point out the hypocrisy of the ordeal (how many hours would it have taken for the authorities to violently reclaim that facility if it were heavily-armed #BlackLivesMatter activists occupying that same space?). But no one is really talking about what should happen after the siege is over. No one is talking about what should happen next.

Obviously, Ammon Bundy and his Y’all Qaeda forces should be handed a colorful, creative assortment of terrorism, conspiracy, weapon, and endangerment charges, a bouquet that lands them in federal prison for some daunting period of time. But personally, I think we can do better than simply locking them up in jail, and in a perfect world, we’d go an extra step, too: give their property to people who quite frankly deserve it a whole lot more.

Syrian Refugees Aren’t Terrorists, But Y’all Qaeda? They Definitely Are

These Y’all Qaeda terrorists are exactly the sorts of people who want to deny our accepting Syrian refugees into the United States. The theory, which has been completely debunked over and over again, is that DAESH/ ISIS/ ISIL might be hiding out in terrorist sleepers amongst the refugees and sneaking them into the country. That’s ridiculous, of course, but the theory is popular nonetheless.

Me? I’m considerably less worried about ISIS, and a whole lot more concerned with domestic terrorists like Ammon Bundy, the supposed “Oath Keepers,” the lunatic who shot up Planned Parenthood, and other murderous right-wing sociopaths. ISIS didn’t just seize control of a government building on US soil, threatening to kill anyone who attempts to intervene, while demanding the release of political prisoners. Y’all Qaeda are the ones doing that.

Which group is more likely to kill me randomly in some attack… ISIS, or radical right-wing conservatives? Which group has been responsible for more American deaths here in the United States? Which group has carried out more terrorist attacks on US soil? Everything is coming up right-wing here, folks.

Seize Their Property And Give It To Refugees

I would love nothing more than to see the US government do something that I of course realize they would never actually do: seize every last asset owned by the members of Y’all Qaeda, hand them all over to HUD, liquidate everything, and then use that money to house Syrian refugees.

The money gained from such a move wouldn’t be tremendous, obviously — if these people had jobs they wouldn’t have time to occupy a government facility for weeks on end — but it would certainly help a little, wouldn’t it? And what better way to emotionally punish these xenophobic terrorists than my making them realize, each and every day, that their former assets helped house Syrian refugees now living in the United States? Call me spiteful, but that sounds pretty frickin’ fair to me.

Of course, this idea of mine would never, ever be instituted by the government. Someone would probably label this as “cruel and unusual punishment,” however much I might personally disagree.

But fantasizing about how they’ll be punished is most likely the closest to justice these Y’all Qaeda terrorists will ever actually get. Chances are this standoff will eventually end, and no one will ever be charged for anything as a result of it. Why? Because white privilege… that’s why.

Photo by DonkeyHotey