Update: According to numerous customers preordering the game from GameStop, the special Collector’s Edition Fallout Monopoly game will be available October 2nd, not in November, and will cost approximately $40 USD

Bethesda officially confirmed on Thursday that a special edition of Monopoly based on the Fallout franchise will be released in November, to coincide with the release of Fallout 4 on November 10th. The board game will be exclusively sold at GameStop in the United States.

I’ve been a hardcore fan of the Fallout franchise since the original Fallout was released in 1997. Meanwhile, my family has an almost comical obsession with Monopoly, and my sister is an avid hunter of the classic board game’s collector’s editions. So naturally, I have some pretty lofty expectations for this game.

 

Bethesda: below is a list of demands. Fulfill these, or Fallout fans around the world who also love Monopoly will revolt. Have you ever seen the later stages of a Monopoly game? When families turn on each other, long-lasting friendships are pushed to their breaking points, happy marriages collapse in tears, and parents stop loving their children? That’s the kind of rage we’re talking about. Don’t screw around here!

In the words of IGN’s Luke Karmali: “Caps as Currency or GTFO”

The only acceptable currency for a Fallout edition of Monopoly is bottle caps. Even people who’ve never played a Fallout game know that. Don’t give us “pre-war money,” or “NCR bucks,” or some other nonsense. And I swear to the Drowned God, the Old Gods, the New Gods, to every effing God in every effing Heaven… don’t ruin this edition with that lame “electronic banking” garbage, or I’m going to suddenly develop an arsonist perk.

Game Pieces We Actually Care About: Game pieces need to be awesome. Don’t just give us a bunch of different versions of Vault Boy (though he should definitely be one of them). Dogmeat, Vault Boy, Harold (the real Harold, not that terrible ruined version you did in Fallout 3), a deathclaw, the super-mutant Marcus from 2/ NV, a Brotherhood of Steel power armor helmet, a stimpack, a 10mm pistol, and, of course, a Nuka Cola bottle. There are your player pieces, Bethesda.

Utilities: There are only two utilities I care to see: Three Dog’s Radio Station and the Hoover Dam. The nuclear reactor in Gecko is also acceptable.

Railroads: Obviously, these need to be vaults. Vault 13, Vault 8, Vault 101, and Vault 111. And if you aren’t familiar with Vault 13, then I’m sorry, but you aren’t a real Fallout fan. That’s Fallout 101… but not vault 101… ah, forget it.

Streets: Another no-brainer… use towns! Boardwalk and Park Place should be places like New Reno and New Vegas. Other “streets” should be places familiar to Fallout fans from throughout the franchise, chronologically around the board. Shady Sands, Junktown, the Boneyard, etc. on one end of the board, and locations from Fallout 4 on the other end, with 2, 3, and NV locales in the middle.

Houses and Hotels: This one is a bit trickier. For hotels you could use casinos or schools, while houses should remain as houses, but look, well, like houses in Fallout. Blown-out pre-war rubble piles or post-war rusty scrap metal shacks. Either works.

Chance and Community Chest Cards: Vault Boy needs to be featured on all of these, and you need to make the messages funny, interesting, and loaded with pop culture references, staying true to Fallout 1 and Fallout 2.

And last but not least… Free parking = Nuka Break! Yes, I insist you pay homage to this incredible fan-film series. Free Parking, the spot whereby house rules almost always explicitly dictate that a person who hits it wins the “lottery,” should celebrate the simply staggering amount of work they put into that show.

I think all of this would make a Fallout-themed special edition of Monopoly worthy of not throwing out of a window into busy traffic. At least not until my sister ends up owning an entire side of the board, with hotels on Arroyo, Vault City, San Francisco, The Republic of Dave, Megaton, and Rivet City, and the rest of us sit in jail intentionally in the hopes of avoiding her hotels/ casinos/ schools. Yep. I can see arguments happening over this version of Monopoly already. Way to rip my family asunder, Bethesda!

Image © Bethesda, used under conditions of Fair Use

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